![]()
Tuesday has rolled by yet again and it’s time for the Diva Dirt Raw Redux, with yours truly! I hope everyone is not too heartbroken about The Great Khali‘s release. I know that it’s been a tough, emotional time for everyone. *grabs violin*
Not so emotionally harrowing was this week’s Raw, which sadly only provided us with one match, yet storylines were progressed again. Just a shame the main one centred around the title is a generic “You have the title, I automatically hate you” kind of deal.
This week, we were treated to appearances from Lana, Natalya and Stephanie McMahon whilst Brie Bella, dressed as AJ Lee, was forced by her sister Nikki Bella to get beaten up by her. Nice girl! AJ Lee was at ringside for commentary too. For once, the announce desk was somewhat tolerable to listen to! Without further ado, let’s go!
Our first Diva sightings of the night are beautiful sights to behold indeed, as Lana and everyone’s favourite MILF Stephanie McMahon start the show as part of an address from Team Authority. Stephanie is rocking the red and she’s looking confident. No doubt that look will change when she gets “fired” come Sunday. Stephanie starts off subtle on the mic and then starts snarling like the best of them like only she can as HHH shades WCW.
Stephanie says that Team Cena are basically idiots for not realising what is best for business. She then starts growling everyone’s names in her team like she has a horny tiger in her mouth but hey, she’s putting her team across well. Then Ryback interrupts her and I tune out as I get my sick bag…
Can Grumpy Cat be classed as an honorary Diva? I’m not so sure, yet as she is female and well, I’m sure she’s had a few Diva demands in her time, check our horrendously awful comedy segment with The Miz and Damien Mizdow. WHY COULDN’T THEY HAVE HER SIT ON RON SIMMONS‘ LAP AND HE SPAN ON A SPINNY CHAIR? I’m clearly way too invested in my own made up storylines.
Up next, Tyson Kidd is in action alongside Natalya as he faces off Adam Rose. Adam Rose enters the arena first and one female Rosebud in particular is making me howl. The girl in the Christmas Elf outfit is owning her role. She wants that WWE contract!
After Tyson and Nattie make their way to the ring, the match begins. Towards the end of the match, The Bunny waves at Nattie and starts flirting with her! Natalya may as well go along with, that’s the closest she’ll be getting to being at like rabbits! Sadly, The Bunny distracted Adam Rose, resulting in him losing again. Trouble in hallucinogenic paradise continues as The Bunny starts humping Adam Rose from behind! If this seriously leads to Darren Young being revealed as The Bunny like it has been rumoured, how offensively stereotypical.
The weirdly sexual theme continues later as Lana and Rusev make their way out and Lana says that she is going to share a topless photo with everyone. She then reveals a shirtless Vladimir Putin on horseback. Brokeback Putin in cinemas 2015.
Next up, Stephanie, who JBL amazingly (I know I can’t believe I’m complimenting him either) refers to as Big Show‘s “ultimate opponent”. Stephanie addresses Big Show and tears him up. A+ mic work. Stephanie on the mic is most definitely best for business. Steph then turns some major sarcasm on by mocking Sheamus and his joke. So good!
I’m not entirely sure if match graphics are classed as Divas sightings yet Rosa Mendes of all people is seen on a graphic for the Survivor Series Kick-Off show. She is announced as Fandango‘s new dance partner, which the commentators completely ignore as the graphic is on screen. Way to go guys.
Finally, it’s match time everyone. It’s always scary when WWE leaves it till hour 3 to give us a Divas match. Almost as scary as Claire Lynch. WWE Divas Champion AJ Lee’s music hits, yet out comes Brie Bella, dressed just like AJ and she’s got the skip and sitting on the middle rope down to a T! If only she was as good at performing as her own character…
Brie’s sister Nikki is her opponent for this ‘Exhibition Match’, announced by Lilian. I’ve finally seen her on TV again instead of just hearing her – wahoo! The real AJ Lee makes her way out for commentary and Nikki Bella has a big grin on her face. She can’t wait to get her chance at the title come Sunday. She’s cocky, confident and amazingly hot acting it.
The twins lock-up before Nikki declares that she’s not ready and she does some star jumps to limber up. Do what you’ve got to do Nikki. AJ jokes that Brie looks better as her then even she does which was pretty funny. Nikki hits a sweet armdrag before dropping Brie again with a shoulder block. Brie is going to take some serious punishment me thinks! Nikki looks pretty pleased with herself as she hits a few successive backbreakers that leave Brie writhing in pain.
Nikki goes for a cover yet she pulls Brie off the mat; she wants to deal that damage! Nikki rips at Brie’s roots and then picks her up by her ears, tossing her into the turnbuckle. Nikki charges at Brie next, yet gets elbowed in the face! Nikki snaps and then goes slap-happy and Brie covers up as best as she can. Nikki then hoists Brie up for The Rack Attack yet AJ dives on the apron to provide a distraction. Brie then takes Nikki down with a schoolgirl and gets an upset win!
After the match, Nikki is grumpier than the angry pussy guest hosting Raw. She rips at Brie’s hair and slaps her as she aims to show her dominance. Unfortunately for Nikki, AJ is the one who shows who is boss as she knocks Nikki out with a Shining Wizard. Brie starts a major YES! chant going yet AJ cuts that short, kicking Brie in the stomach and dropping her with a DDT. Point proven.
It’s Main Event time and the final two members of Team Cena are revealed, following Sheamus being taken out earlier on. Cue one of the most random segments of the year filled with so much Stephanie snarling.
Thoughts: I was happy with this week’s Raw overall, yet maybe I’m easily pleased.
Addressing what I didn’t like; I was not a fan of Lana’s segment. It just seemed really bizarre and what with The Bunny humping Adam Rose beforehand, Raw was strangely sexual. Couple that with Luke Harper‘s “I’m a team player” line… *shudders*
I’m also not a fan of not seeing Paige and Alicia. I know they will be on Superstars this week, and whilst I’m happy about that actually due to the match most likely being longer, a minute and a half long backstage catfight or something would have been phenomenal. Think if they exchanged words and then started knocking seven shades of shit out of each other – how awesome would that be? WWE never hype something for Superstars, yet why not? Just because it’s WWE’s least watched show, doesn’t mean some buzz can’t be created around it. I really don’t get WWE sometimes.
Onto Grumpy Cat… yeah. Moving on.
The Divas Championship picture is once again interesting, yet then again, elements are also boring as hell. I am loving Nikki Bella. She is owning her role; from her in-ring work, to her mannerisms, annoying voice (not sure that is intentional), facial expressions and of course, her stunning look, she is doing it for me right now. Brie selling moves and talking less is also paying dividends. Her subtle acting that didn’t need dialogue was well done too. I also really enjoy Nikki’s aggressive and believable catfight style. The Bellas don’t care less about being each other’s real-life twin, they throw down. They have great chemistry and Nikki was knocking Brie around like a ragdoll in the aftermath.
AJ held her own, and her attacking Brie is a perfect example of what makes her character intriguing, yet I still feel that Brie and Nikki’s feud is the main one here, and AJ is an afterthought. I honestly would like to see Nikki take the title come Sunday and have AJ mix it up with the guys some more like she did last year.
Onto Natalya and when she’s not farting or interacting with Khali and Hornswoggle, she’s having awkward moments with bunnies. I thought this may be all we would get between them yet tonight’s Main Event will see Nattie and Tyson facing Adam and The Bunny in an interspecies tag team match. LOL.
The MVP for me this week, like a lot of weeks, was Stephanie McMahon. She had a couple of stutters tonight, yet she owns the mic. Every line is delivered with a maniacal conviction and I sound like a broken record, yet her snarling is so good. Not good when she’s trying to smile for a photograph, yet it’s good for every other time!
